“I’m worried that if I leave him, no one will be there to take care of him,” “I feel scared that he’ll/she’ll be abandoned by her parents and friends,” “Where will he live if I turn him away?” and “I don’t think I’ll be able to raise our children all alone”- are these statements running around your thoughts for quite some time?
The most popular reason why partners continue to stay in a relationship with an alcoholic or substance abuser is fear. Although the relationship is clearly not healthy for everyone in the family especially the children, they fear that leaving the substance abuser will cause more harm. In most instances, these people get to experience the “worst” before they finally decide to detach from the person and the situation.
Detachment Is The First Step
The first thing towards healing and recovery is detaching from your loved one who’s consumed by alcohol or drugs. Detaching means you separate yourself from the person physically and emotionally. You just need to remember that detachment begins when you make yourself and your children the priority, more than anything else.
Also, detaching from your loved one who has developed the addictive habit will also mean staying clear from all of the negative thoughts. It will make you realize that you are also worthy of having a more peaceful life.
In most cases, the individual who is into substance abuse will never notice you, while you are around. He will keep taking you for granted until the day he sees you walk away.
Don’t Carry The Guilt
Keep in mind that you are not and will not be the reason for your loved one’s addiction. The 3 C’s will remind you that the guilt feelings are not yours to evaluate on.
- You are not the CAUSE of his/her addiction.
- You cannot CURE the addiction.
- You certainly can’t CONTROL the habit.
No matter how much he or she blames you for the addiction, you just have to stand firm on the truth that you are not in any way accountable for his or her action. Keep yourself away from this person and the dangers it will cause you and your family.
Detaching from your addicted spouse does not mean divorce or annulment. It means keeping yourself distant from the possible harm and not doing the usual dependent behavior you show to him or her. People understand that you may have manifested an “over-loving” and “over-caring” personality towards the person because you hoped that one day it’ll be enough for him to drop the habit. However, it is not you who has to take the effort.
Start The Change Now
Do not let fear control your life, you have to make the decision sooner. Changing your behavior towards your partner by choosing to live far from him or her may also be the first step for your partner’s realizations.
While you cannot force them to go through structured treatment programs, making them consider it is a milestone. Nothing is impossible with hope that things can change for the better in time. Detox of South Florida wants everyone to live a life free of fear and addiction.